NPR Host Adrian Ma Says He’s Been ‘In Emotional Hell’ After His Girlfriend Kiah Duggins Was Killed in the D.C. Plane Crash

Kiah Duggins, the civil rights attorney who was identified as one of the victims of the deadly D.C. plane crash, is being remembered by her boyfriend, NPR host Adrian Ma.

Ma remembered his late girlfriend in a conversation with NPR that was published on Thursday, Feb. 20, nearly one month after Duggins, 30, died in the deadly crash on Wednesday, Jan. 29. Duggins was one of 67 people who were killed. 

She was traveling back to Washington D.C., after visiting a relative who was recovering from surgery in Wichita, Kan., Ma said. But when Ma arrived at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport just before 9 p.m. on Jan. 29, he patiently waited for Duggins to call or text him when she landed.

After Duggins didn’t respond, Ma noticed several emergency vehicles in the area. He walked to the terminal and asked an employee at the American Airlines counter about Duggins’ flight, AA5432.

But “the person at the counter just sort of gives me, like, a blank expression,” The Indicator from Planet Money host said. Then one of Duggins’ friends called him. “She says, ‘I think you’re supposed to pick Kiah up at the airport tonight. Do you know what flight she was on?’ And I tell her the number and she starts breathing faster. And she says, ‘Well, I’m seeing this thing on the internet about a crash near the airport.’

“And my stomach drops,” Ma recalled. Adding that he then learned there were four reported survivors, “And in my mind, I’m thinking, ‘Well, I hope there were only four people on that plane.'” The initial reports of survivors turned out to be incorrect. 

But as time passed, he and the passengers’ loved ones waited in a lounge area to hear more information about the crash. “For the next three hours or so, it’s really quiet in that room,” he told NPR. “Except, every once in a while, somebody just sort of burst into tears.”

By 1 a.m., an official with D.C.’s homicide unit arrived and informed the room that the bodies were being recovered. The official confirmed at that moment that they had not found any survivors.

“And, you know, people in the room just lose it. They’re breaking down. I’m breaking down,” Ma said.

He told NPR that since the crash, he felt he has been “in emotional hell.”

“There are reminders of Kiah everywhere. Her glasses are on the nightstand. Her clothes are in the closet. Little curls of her hair are scattered around. I hear echoes of her voice sometimes, especially when I see something and I want to turn to her and say, like ‘hey, check this out’ then I realize I can’t do that anymore. So it’s just been a new level of pain that I didn’t know I could experience.”

“My hope is that I can sort of exorcise the pain that keeps building in my chest,” he said. “I also wanted to talk about Kiah. I think the more that I can plant just a little sense of who this person was in people’s minds, the more that she can live on, in a sense.”

He shared that Duggins was committed to making the world a better place and spreading and experiencing joy. “The combination of those two things is one of the many reasons that I fell in love with her,” he said.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

The Harvard Law School graduate was an attorney for the Civil Rights Corps, a nonprofit organization dedicated to challenging systemic injustice. She was planning to begin work as a professor this fall at Howard University.