This trait in leaders makes employees three times more likely to lie
Not long ago, I sat across from a senior leader who proudly described the culture of transparency he believed he had built. “My door is always open,” he said. “I tell my team I want the truth, even when it’s hard.”
Later that afternoon, I spoke with one of his direct reports. She paused when I asked her what it was like to work for him.
“He says he wants the truth,” she said quietly, “but the moment we challenge him or bring up a concern, he gets defensive or shuts the conversation down. So we’ve all just stopped trying. He’s not a bad guy. He’s better than a lot of bosses around here. But he doesn’t want the truth the way he claims to.”
She wasn’t angry. Worse, she was resigned to the fact that’s just who he was. And she wasn’t alone. The team had learned that what their leader said and what he actually did didn’t match. His “open door” had become symbolic of a broader disconnect—and trust was eroding fast.
The leader didn’t see the gap. He genuinely believed he was creating a safe space. But his behavior told another story.
And that’s the thing about say–do gaps: we’re often the last to know we have them.
What do you do when your words and actions don’t match?
Most leaders don’t wake up in the morning intending to be dishonest. But every time we make a promise we don’t keep, fudge a number to hit a target, or stay silent in a moment that demands courage, we open what I call a say–do gap—the space between what we say we value and what we actually do.
It may feel small in the moment. Harmless, even. But these gaps come at a steep cost.
In my 15-year longitudinal study analyzing over 3,200 interviews across more than 200 organizations, my team and I discovered that when employees perceive misalignment between their leaders’ words and actions, they are three times more likely to lie, cheat, and behave unfairly. That’s more than a culture problem. That’s a leadership choice problem.
And more often than not, it’s an unconscious one.
Why Leaders Rationalize Their Gaps
Say–do gaps don’t usually come from malice. They come from pressure. From the fear of looking weak. From not wanting to disappoint or disrupt. When leaders find themselves under fire—tight deadlines, investor demands, internal conflict, stress at home—they reach for rationalizations:
- “I’ll course-correct later.”
- “This isn’t the hill to die on.”
- “No one will really notice.”
The problem is, they do notice. Employees notice everything. The skipped apology. The inflated projection. The performance standards you hold others to—but not yourself. They notice when you declare a new set of values in a town hall, then continue rewarding the same old behaviors.
And slowly, silently, trust begins to erode.
The Hidden Cost of Misalignment
We tend to think of dishonesty as dramatic: embezzlement, fraud, lying, or corruption. But in most organizations, dishonesty takes a quieter, more insidious form; people withholding ideas, exaggerating results, throwing each other under the bus, or simply saying “yes” when they mean “no.”
Our research showed that environments where identity—purpose, values, and culture—is misaligned are nearly three times more likely to foster this kind of behavior. Over time, these gaps corrode collaboration, innovation, courage, and employee voice. People become transactional. Cynical. They disengage not because they don’t care, but because they no longer trust that honesty is safe or worth it.
In short: say–do gaps cost more than you think. They cost your people’s belief in you. Your say-do gaps increase the odds of those around you by a factor of 3x that they will join you in legitimizing their own gaps.
Why It’s So Hard to See Our Own Gaps
The human brain is wired for self-protection. When our actions fall short of our espoused values, we tell ourselves a more flattering story to preserve our identity. We become the hero of our narrative. The pressure was impossible. The budget left no choice. The timing wasn’t right.
But in order to be honest with others, we have to be honest with ourselves. If we can’t see our own dissonance, we can’t close the gap.
As one executive confessed to me after a disastrous acquisition: “We all knew it would fail, but we kept our mouths shut. Deal fever took over. We lost sight of who we were—and couldn’t admit it.” The result? A $3.5 billion mistake, shattered careers, and broken trust.
How to Start Closing the Gaps
If you’re serious about rebuilding trust and becoming the leader people want to follow, here are four practical ways to begin:
1. Name Your Gaps, Out Loud
Ask yourself: Where am I most tempted to say one thing and do another? Where have I rationalized a disconnect between my values and behavior? Then share that reflection with your team. Vulnerability creates clarity. And clarity is what people crave.
2. Make Your Values Observable
Don’t let purpose statements live in frames on walls. Embed them into how decisions get made, who gets promoted, what gets rewarded, and how conflict is handled. When your actions reflect your values without you having to say a word, alignment becomes contagious.
3. Invite Truth Tellers
Every leader needs someone who isn’t impressed by their title—someone with permission to challenge and point out blind spots. Create that space. Ask your team regularly, “Where do you see misalignment in me?” and thank them when they answer honestly.
4. Look for the Pattern
Your say–do gaps aren’t random. They have a pattern. Look back over your calendar from the past two weeks. Where did your actions bely your stated values? Be brutally honest. Then ask: what triggered the gap? What did you gain by not acting in alignment—comfort, control, approval? Those choices serve a purpose. They make you feel safe. But until you name the pattern and uncover its origin story, you’ll keep repeating it. Reflection is the first step toward repair.
Closing your say–do gaps isn’t about perfection. It’s about taking responsibility for the moments where your humanity falls short of your ideals. We all have them. Your people are wondering if you know yours.
The most honest leaders I’ve worked with aren’t flawless. They’re just relentlessly committed to shrinking the gap between who they say they are and how they show up—especially when it’s hard.
And in doing so, they earn something far more valuable than compliance. They earn trust. And once you’ve earned trust, performance, loyalty, courage, and innovation follow.
So, if you’re serious about leadership that inspires—not just instructs or directs—start here: say what you mean. Do what you say. And keep closing the gap.
